Thinking About Living Together?

Are you thinking about moving in with someone you’re dating? Whether you have been dating this person for weeks, months or years, this is a huge decision! There are many assumptions men and women make about this situation. I was this woman! I decided for myself that moving in with the man I loved would fix all our problems, and would allow our relationship to grow. Prior to living together I had been with this man for 7 years. He was a man I knew inside and out, or so I thought. For the sake of this blog let’s call him Lee.

Lee and I moved in together at one of the strongest points of our relationship. We were happy. He was finally providing me the emotional support that I so desperately wanted from him. He was everything I thought I wanted; or so I had myself convinced. Within two months of living together Lee completely “changed”. Did he really change? No, what actually happened was that I was forced to face the cold hard truth that the little things I thought I could overlook were actually deal breakers. He was emotionally abusive, he threw things, and he punched holes every time he was mad. Lee yelled, and screamed at me, he stayed up all night playing video games, he wouldn’t get a job and he ignored me on a daily basis. I know it seems like this couldn’t be your man, because yours is different from mine. It may be true. Lee could be 100% different from who your man is. What Lee is not is an exception; many men are the wrong man for you. Women forgive and forget, it is in our nature because we are nurturing creatures. We cannot look at a man and say he is all these terrible things, but when faced with these issues 24/7 you cannot look past them. This is a guarantee. Before moving in with someone you must realize that this is going to intensify every little issue. Moving in with someone does not make the issues at hand disappear. When you move in with someone every issue at hand is going to be brought to the surface. It is important to know your facts and to really look at the cold hard truths of whom you are dealing with. As women we can get wrapped up in the emotional aspects of life and don’t look at the truths we don’t want to see. Your man could possibly have wonderful characteristics but he may also have things that really hurt or bother you. Those are the things that are going to stick out. Sit down with a friend or family member who is willing to be neutral and remind you of the things that have gone wrong or the things that they know hurt you. Look at your relationship without your emotions involved. This is your life. These are decisions that will directly affect you and as a woman you have every right to be selfish about what is best for you!
Before you think any further about moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend please look at the facts of moving in with someone. This is a life changing decision, I have been there, and I am happy to share any information or experience I have so feel free to ask!
MYTH: You show commitment to a relationship by moving in together.
FACT: Cheating is twice as likely to happen in a living together relationship as in a married one. Cohabiting partners are still less sexually faithful after marriage than married couples who did not live together first.
MYTH: By living together first, we will be less likely to end up in divorce court.
FACT: 40% of live-ins never get married and live-ins that do marry have a 50% higher rate of divorce.
MYTH: By living together, we can see how we’ll get along when were married.
FACT: Couples living together show aggression rates twice as high as married couples. Married couples have the lowest rate of domestic violence, while living together couples have the highest. Cohabitants tend to not be as committed as married couples. Cohabiting is much less stable than a marriage. Women in cohabiting relationships are more likely to be sexually and physically abused. Only 29% of abuse involves a current spouse while 42% involve a friend or partner.
MYTH: We will have a better sex life if we live together.
FACT: Married couples are more physically and emotionally satisfied with their sex lives. Cohabiting couples report lower levels of sexual exclusivity and satisfaction.
MYTH: By living together you will feel happier and not tied down.
FACT: Couples living together are on average less happy than married couples. Married couples have fewer disagreements than live-in couples. Annual depression rates among cohabiting couples are more than three times what they are among married couples.
MYTH: The children will be better off if we aren’t married.
FACT: 75% of children born to live-in couples will see their parents split before they reach their teenage years, this is a third less likely in a married couple. Many kids of cohabitant parents end up with behavioral and social difficulties. Children are also shown to have lower academic performance when living in a cohabitant home. Married men, especially those with children, tend to become more responsible and productive.

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